Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
