This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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