Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She told me I should be a condom model.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
