On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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