I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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