he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
