This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize