If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
