i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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