I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
