She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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