TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
