Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
