He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
