when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's blow job season.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
