Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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