he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
