did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize