So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
