I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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