I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
