So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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