every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
