Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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