it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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