Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
