just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
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I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
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Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize