i was rollin on her like bob the builder
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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