Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
