I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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