so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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