I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
