Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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