i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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