My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
