I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
love makes seman taste better
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
