It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
