had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize