this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize