Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize