Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're a waste of cheezeits
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
