I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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