I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
