your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
