i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
