We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
