You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
