Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
