take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
