His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
