Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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