btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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