Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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