I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
