He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
