if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
