Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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