I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
