How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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