Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
