I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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