i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
