Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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