my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
