Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
