my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
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just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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