what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.