k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?