She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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