i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
