high people should be assigned attendants
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
