Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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