we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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