Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
