You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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