I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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