Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
