It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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