Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
