Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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