My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
